We all have stories we tell ourselves. These stories shape the way we see ourselves and the world around us, and they are often so deeply ingrained that we don’t even realize how much power they hold. These stories, known as core beliefs, are the silent forces that can either make or break our relationship with self-love.
Where Do Core Beliefs Come From?
Core beliefs aren’t just thoughts that pop into our heads one day. They’re formed much earlier, rooted in our childhood experiences. As children, we adapt to the environment we grow up in—especially when that environment reacts to our curiosity or emotions with fear, anger, or control. In order to stay safe or accepted by our caregivers, we learn to repress parts of ourselves, our authentic feelings, in exchange for approval.
Over time, these survival strategies shape our behaviors and solidify into core beliefs. "I must be unlovable because I’m never enough," or "I’m weak because I keep failing," are just a few examples. But it’s important to remember that these beliefs were formed as a way to protect us. They weren’t developed out of choice—they were created to keep us attached and safe.
How Core Beliefs Shape Our Worldview
As we grow, those childhood adaptations start to take over, becoming the lens through which we see everything. We base our decisions, relationships, and interactions on these beliefs. They guide how we think, how we act, and how we perceive the world. When we believe we are “not enough,” we unconsciously create situations that reinforce that story. The result? We live in a world where our self-worth is constantly questioned—not by others, but by ourselves.
These core beliefs can be so deeply buried that we may not even recognize them until life gives us a wake-up call. Sometimes, it's a moment of intense frustration or deep dissatisfaction that forces us to stop and ask, “Why am I reacting this way?” It’s only then that we begin to understand the powerful narrative driving our actions.
Why Self-Love Feels So Hard
It’s no surprise that self-love can feel nearly impossible when our core beliefs are rooted in unworthiness, shame, or fear. When we are told as children—either directly or indirectly—that we’re not enough, we internalize that story. We begin to operate under the assumption that there’s something wrong with us, and we seek external validation to fill that void.
This is why positive affirmations or “thinking happy thoughts” often don’t make a lasting impact. Core beliefs are not simply thoughts to be changed. They are embedded in our nervous system, in the way our body reacts to the world around us. And until we recognize these beliefs for what they are—protective mechanisms from our past—they will continue to run the show.
Choosing to Change the Narrative
The turning point comes when we choose to get curious about these beliefs. When we start to ask, “Why do I believe this about myself?” we begin to shift the narrative. Core beliefs aren’t permanent—they’re patterns that were learned, and like any pattern, they can be unlearned.
Healing begins with awareness. When we understand that these beliefs were once a form of protection, we can approach them with compassion rather than judgment. We don’t need to reject them, but we can begin to let them go, recognizing that we no longer need them to feel safe.
The Dual Nature of Core Beliefs
It’s also important to acknowledge that some core beliefs have contributed to our strengths. Many people achieve success, resilience, or determination because of the very beliefs that told them they weren’t good enough. The belief “I have to work harder than everyone else to be loved” might have led to overachievement—but it also came with the cost of exhaustion, anxiety, and a constant sense of unworthiness.
Awareness of this duality gives us the power to make a choice. We can recognize the strength and resilience we’ve built through these beliefs while also understanding that they no longer serve us in the way they once did.
From Self-Judgment to Self-Compassion
The real transformation happens when we stop seeing our core beliefs as obstacles and start viewing them as old protectors. These beliefs were born out of a deep need for survival and belonging. When we honor them for the role they played in our early lives, we can begin to release their hold over us.
It’s not about waging war on the parts of ourselves that feel broken or damaged. It’s about offering compassion to those parts and acknowledging the pain that caused them to form in the first place. Would we judge a scared child for doing whatever they could to feel safe? No. And when we extend that same compassion to ourselves, we open the door to healing.
Building New Beliefs Through Compassion
Self-love isn’t just a nice concept; it’s a practice. It’s built through consistently choosing behaviors that reinforce new beliefs about who we are. It’s about being gentle with ourselves as we navigate the process of unlearning those old patterns and learning to live from a place of worthiness and wholeness.
Core beliefs are the make or break of our self-love. They can either keep us trapped in cycles of shame and inadequacy, or they can be transformed through awareness, compassion, and choice. The moment we realize we have the power to rewrite the stories we’ve told ourselves, that’s when true healing begins.
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